Non-Reality TV (Screed #10)

June 9, 2009…

Can we finally say it? Enough of reality TV! We are sick to death of all of these so-called “reality” shows that have been clogging up the airwaves for much too long now, as well as daytime talk shows like The Jerry Springer Show. Straight up, these programs are pure garbage, and the people who watch them religiously, and actually think they are “real,” are complete tards. TV has become close to unwatchable over the past ten years. That is why we very rarely watch it anymore.

It all started with MTV’s The Real World (which was anything but) back in the early 90s, and what seemed like a totally contrived and brainless but seemingly harmless novelty all those years ago, slowly turned into an unstoppable, unending phenomenon, and is one of the contributing factors in turning America into Tard Nation. It also shows that we have completely run out of ideas for quality programs. Where are the Norman Lears and Larry Gelbarts of today? Why pay for good writers and actors when you can hire a bunch of talentless hacks to turn out cheap mindless drivel? And as a nation, we have become so dumbed-down that we passively accept this garbage and think we are actually being “entertained.”

And people actually take these shows very seriously. We find it sad that they look at who wins American Idol as a life-and-death situation, yet could not care less about problems such as poverty, global warming, an endless war, the economy, terrorism, and the decline of education in America. Everything is about entertainment. Isn’t this how the Roman Empire fell?      

American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother, Cheaters, Fear Factor, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?, Jackass, The Apprentice – there is no end to these contrived, moronic, and especially degrading TV shows. People will do ANYTHING these days to get on television and get 15 seconds of “fame” (never mind 15 minutes anymore), by acting like complete imbeciles, assholes and douchebags. Anything to be famous. The dregs of society will go on Jerry Springer and brag about how they are sleeping with their daughter’s boyfriend. This is the culture we are producing now – everyone wants to be instantly famous, at the expense of their dignity. Kids are growing up thinking they must be famous (even infamous) in order to feel a sense of self-worth. They don’t care what they have to do or how they have to do it. Even if they end up on To Catch a Predator; hey, at least they’re “famous,” right? 

We are sick to death of hearing about Jon and Kate (from Jon & Kate Plus 8) and Spencer and Heidi (from The Hills and recently I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! – we couldn’t make up these names if we tried). Two sets of complete tards that people in this country have become obsessed about. Who are these losers and why do they have their own shows? Who cares about them? Apparently anybody can get their own show these days. Now we hear “Octomom” is going to have her own reality show. The thought of that sends shivers up and down the spine. She is the epitome of someone who doesn’t live in reality. Who wants to watch this nutcase and her million kids? We would rather have nails drilled into our heads. But we’re sure there is an audience out there for her ridiculous antics. There always is.

Plus, none of these shows have the slightest sense of any “reality” that we’ve ever seen. How “real” can you be when you have a constant camera filming your every move? You can just tell that the producers also encourage certain members of the show to act controversially to stir up ratings. Even on Jerry Springer, guests are told to swear and start fights with each other. That is what gets the tards watching.

Yes, we admit that The Osbournes was a guilty pleasure, but at least Ozzy Osbourne is like a heavy metal Benny Hill, and could genuinely be funny at times. Was it realistic? We highly doubt it. He was playing to the cameras, no doubt. It was amusing nonetheless. We also have to admit that Keeping Up with the Kardashians is another guilty pleasure – who wouldn’t want to look at Kim Kardashian whenever possible? Still though, the show is moronic. And what the hell is going on with Bruce Jenner’s face? 

We are also tired of hearing all of these so-called reality show celebrities (or “nonebrities” as they are sometimes called) whine and complain about not having privacy. Hello? You are on a reality show, having your every waking second filmed. What did you expect? You are “lucky” (is that the right word, when you think about it?) that you are even on TV, being that you were plucked from total obscurity and have done nothing of any significance or artistic merit to warrant this newfound fame, or you are a washed-up has-been who is back in the spotlight, showing what a loser you have become over the years. So, shut up the hell up and deal with it! This is the price you pay when you sell your soul to the reality show devil.    

We predict in the future, every single person on the planet will have their own reality show (probably on the internet), and it already seems to be heading in that direction. Aren’t Myspace and Facebook in small ways, early examples of that?

The 1976 film Network predicted the whole idea of “reality TV,” as well as 24-hour news programs. It all came true. In the future, we expect to see actual murders on TV, for our viewing entertainment. What else is left anyhow? We’ve degraded ourselves as far as we can possible go. Murder is the next step.

It’s enough to make us just want to throw our television sets out the window.


In related news…our choice for Most Obvious Statement Ever Uttered in the History of Mankind: 

American Idol‘s Adam Lambert: “I’m gay.”

Lastly, can there be a more annoying person on television than Marie Osmond-lookalike Mary Murphy of So You Think You Can Dance? Her constant, exaggerated screeching and yelling has got to be one of the most obnoxious spectacles we have witnessed in recent times. Of course, there is an audience who eats it up.

Truly mind-boggling…



  1. Tray said,

    June 9, 2009 at 5:37 pm


  2. joseph devassy said,

    June 13, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    The Federation has every right to be fucking pissed about the devolution of modern television. It’s not just the USA, reality TV rules most portions of the globe. As with any viable business that naturally aspires to a “minimal expenditure for maximum profits” ethos, the men/women who run current televison channels are fully cognizant that reality TV budgets pale in comparison to traditional network fare (sitcoms, dramas, evening soaps, etc.) If decent ratings and ad revenue streams can be cultivated with the tripe of cheap reality TV programming, why the fuck would network execs spend the millions needed to develop traditional TV programs? Their jobs are predicated on max profits and limited investment risk…as creepy as these folks probably are, we really can’t blame them. The blame lies with the continuing unfettered tragedy known as Tard Nation. The populace has, by and large, sampled the tripe and found it palatable. We will unfortunately continue to be served the tripe until we no longer enjoy the taste….

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